was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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