Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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