Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
