I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
