Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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