Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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