her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
