it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
