I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
