Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Houston, we have a blender
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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