im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
