had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
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