You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
