After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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