I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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