Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
