why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
