Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
