I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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