Sry I called you an 8
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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