My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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