:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is Oprah even human
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
