and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
