I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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