I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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