She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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