i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
