I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
