3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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