He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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