i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
