and she was petting her beer can
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
