i jhust puked up my retainher.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
