It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
