I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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