i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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