i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
