The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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