He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
