Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
