Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
