Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
