Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
