I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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