Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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