Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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