Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
