Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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