you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Pooping to opera.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
