I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
