I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
