It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
